Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
