Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
