yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
