My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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