Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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