I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
