Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
