How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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