I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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