just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
