my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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