You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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