I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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