if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize
