got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
