I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
