Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
