You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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