the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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