I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
