My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
