I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
