I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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