too bad you live with your parents still
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
