I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
