Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
