I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
