Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
