You smell like stripper and shame
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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