so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
