I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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