She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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