Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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