I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
