Got a toothbrush?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
