im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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