What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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