I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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