Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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