Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
