We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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