you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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