I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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