when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
