just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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