I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
