You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
