im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
