Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
