is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
