the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
