i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
