k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just had sex on a roof
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
