i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
