just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
