If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
