You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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