i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
