should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
