Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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