Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
