next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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