So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
