In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize