I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
