if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
