glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
