someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
