two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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