i would punch a child for taco bell
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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