It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
