Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize