kristin has been a bad kristin
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize