Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
