i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
