Me. At least after what I've been through.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
