I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
