Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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