Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
