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Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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