Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
