hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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