They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
