i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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