Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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