Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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