no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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