Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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