i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
