Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
