You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
