Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
