im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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