I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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