when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
