dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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