maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
