GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize