and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
organizing the empties. That sober.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
