Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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