wakey wakey hands off snakey
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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