My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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