We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
