he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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