I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
