I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
