Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
