Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
