she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
